Mom-tears spring from all sources, but always based in love
ByI had an interesting set of experiences yesterday. I had to take 1.5 yr old my son to the doctor’s to get a blood culture. They pricked him three times and couldn’t get any blood. He was screaming as I laid across him, trying to keep his small body still enough on the examining table so they could put the needles in safely. We tried for at least 20 mins. He was shocked by the pain, and also by the fact that I was letting this happen to him. Once that was done, the nurses then gave him an antibiotic shot that they told me was very painful. The poor little guy slept for almost four hours after the ordeal.
I wanted to cry, too. On the third prick, I got tears in my eyes, but I knew I had to keep it together for my son. Later that day I was in the grocery store and some child, probably around three, was having a whale of a tantrum in the check out line. His mother was desparately trying to calm him, even as he started to hit her. I’m sure it seemed to her that the whole store could hear him. Finally, her eyes started to well up, too – clearly out of frustration, feeling overwhelmed, probably exhausted, and who knows what else was going on in her life.
I wanted so badly to help her but didn’t know what I could do. The grocery bagger helped her out to her car, and the cashier gave her a hug. I whispered to her that it would be alright at she walked by, but I think I just embarrassed her more. I really felt for her and got a little teary-eyed myself. Maybe it was just the day, but I really think all of us mothers are pulling for each other and fully empathize when we see another sister struggling.
It made me think about how much we love our babies and how we cry when they’re hurt, we cry when they frustrate us, and we cry when they shower us with unconditional love – from the scribbled drawing to the hug around our necks. What a wild ride this is!
Just today I so wanted to reach out to a mom who I see at ballet every week. Her daughter is so smart and quite stubborn and always gives her mom and the teacher a lot of sass. Oh my heart goes out to her mom… I want to include her in the room, to somehow let her know we’ve all been there and nobody is judging, but empathizing. I can’t know what she’s feeling, she won’t even make herself available for eye contact. Maybe she will read this… maybe I’ll find a way to communicate next week.
I have apologized to every mother I saw BEFORE I had children and said “I would never let my children do that!!”. I too have dragged my child from locations kicking and screaming and now know how all those mothers feel. I too have held my child down for catheters and blood tests when I can’t even explain to them why they are getting hurt because they are too young to understand. Tears come often when they aren’t looking – don’t they?
However, I have also been wounded by them and had those days where the tears come because I just don’t know what to do anymore. One of those days where you wonder if you are just cut out to be a mom – and if others could only see how grumpy and worn out you were they’d be appalled. But then they say something so sweet and get over their issues so much faster than you do that you realize that guilt trip you could so easily put them on is ridiculous and you know why you become a mother.
I often say I never really understood how much my mom loved me until I became a mother myself. Oh I wonder how many tears she cried for me!
What a great story and I do hope your son is OK and that whatever got him to the doc has improved. Mothers struggle everyday in one way or another and it’s super to know that we can all help support each other!! Thanks for sharing and caring!