I got a great response to my last post asking for road warrior stories and tips for staying connected with young kids while on the road.  I’ve compiled some of the most interesting responses below.  I hope you’ll be as inspired as I was at the lengths parents go to stay in touch with their kids, and the positive attitudes all of them have about the whole situation.  Why be blue when there is work to do?  Just get it done and get home!  One of the most endearing stories comes from Christie Arseneau, who tells me she has more to share!  I knew when I read her post that she should receive the free copy of my children’s book, My Mommy’s on a Business Trip.   Congrats, Christie, and keep up the good fight!  Lea Nesbit’s story is fantastic as well.

All of the posts were great and I thank all of you who took the time to share your stories.  What do you think is the best tip from what’s posted below?

Warrior Responses (some are lengthy, but worth reading.  You’ll find great tips and if nothing else, know that you’re not alone in dealing with this issue.  I’ve bolded the tips so they’re easier for you to find.)

From Josh Teweles:

My wife and I both work and occassionally take trips for our respective jobs.

1.   When either of us leaves, we make a calendar and put it on the fridge so the girls can cross off the days. We also include other fun events on the calendar so it’s not just about one person being gone.

2.   For the person who remains, the girls get to be your “sleep partner” and crash in our King bed.

3.   For the person who leaves, always call in during dinner time.

4.    The person who leaves also makes notes with cute pictures and messages like “Be nice to Mommy” and “Have a good sleep” and “I miss you so much.”

 

From Lea Nesbit:

A few minutes later my cell phone rang. It was my estranged spouse calling to berate me for leaving our son in the middle of an emotional meltdown. He screamed at me for caring more about my work than my family all of these years and told me that I was directly to blame for my son’s emotional crisis. I listened to his rant for longer than I should have; I finally hung up when it occurred to me that he wasn’t eight years old and I was not responsible for his emotional well-being.

I have never felt as bad about being a working mother as I did that day. I sobbed all the way to the airport. I can’t imagine what the driver thought; probably made a good story for the guys in the garage that night.

It was a long trip to Frankfurt.

I called the next morning from Germany to check and see how my mother was holding up. She told me that Will was fine; after I left they made some hot chocolate and walked over the park across the street where Will met up with some school friends.

We have never had a repeat; when I got home it was if nothing had happened. All I can tell working, traveling moms and dads is to do your best. There will always be conflicts but you can manage through them. Don’t forget what is most important, a loving, nurturing, safe environment for your children.

I’m not the mom who will be a room mother, bake the best desert for the Cub Scout party or volunteer to drive for a field trip. But I am showing my son what it means to be capable, competent and self sufficient. He proudly comes to my office and every now and then I hear him tell his friends that his mom started her own company and is a CEO. He likes it when I bring him back a really unusual toy or gift from Brazil or Germany and great chocolates from Switzerland.

Some tips for making your child feel included in your business/travel life: talk to them about what you do, let them meet the people you work with, bring them to the office, call at a set time in the morning and at night when you are traveling, if visiting a foreign county teach them a few words of the local language, like “hello”, “good morning” and “good night”, talk to them about mundane things like what you ate that day and what the weather is like where you are, etc. I take pictures on my cell phone and send them to my son so he can see what I am looking at in that moment.

These small things add up over time and children appreciate the consistency.

 

From Andy Freeman:

Unfortunately, the best method I found was to treat the every other week ‘business trip’ as normal or commonplace. Minimizing the statements “i’m sorry i’m going away” or “i’ll miss you so much” can help make this more of a normal routine. But after 8 years of doing it, I finally said enough is enough. I stopped. Made a lifestyle change and helped my wife start a business that involved our family. It’s a fun, easy to use website for local communities to find family fun activities and events. Called FindandGoSeek.net , now we can spend more time with our kids doing fun things together.

 

From Christie Arsenea (our winner):

I have a one year old at home and I’ve been on the road for months in the past year. I have so many travel stories and certainly more to be had! I now have a web camera on my laptop and use Skype software. We play “peek-a-boo Skype” and it is a lot of fun! I’ll also get my “proof of life” pictures and videos sent to me while I travel – however, I’ve asked to have certain proof of life scaled back. For example, I was in Malaysia in July and was sent a video of the baby standing up for the first time. While I was in my hotel room, with the view of the Petronas Towers in the distance, I saw my daughter pull herself up for the first time! After that, I sent clear instructions to not receive that any “firsts” via proof of life anymore – I’d rather see it myself for the first time in person.

I also nursed the baby for the first 7 1/2 months (until I got back from that trip to Malaysia, she wasn’t interested when I got home). While I was nursing, I had to “feed the baby” at various manufacturing facilities all over the world. Needless to say, these were interesting conversations to have asking for a place to pump. Then, it was always a treat to see the look on the faces of TSA when I went through security. I was in New Orleans and put my bag of ice-packed expressed milk onto the conveyor to get scanned. The TSA guy (and yes, it was a guy!) saw the ice on the scanner and exclaimed “oh, I see you brought me dinner!”. I thought this was a funny joke of some kind, so I played along and responded “not unless you like breast milk in your coffee.”  The color in his face drained so quickly and he no longer made eye contact after that.

A few weeks ago, I had the moment of “come hell or high water, I’m getting home – dammit!”. I was flying from Houston to Pittsburgh, via Philadelphia. The flight out of Houston was delayed so much that I was going to miss my connection in Philadelphia. The airline said that they could get me home THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON! Come hell or high water, I was going to get home that night! I pulled up the laptop and scoured around for other flights – I found a one way flight to Cleveland that left in 45 minutes. After buying the ticket and dashing half-way across Houston to another terminal, I got onto the plane. I also booked a one-way rental car from Cleveland to Pittsburgh ($12 rental for a Sebring convertible, no joke!). When I landed in Cleveland, I picked up the convertible and drove the 2 hours to Pittsburgh. I pulled into my house about 1 hour later than I would have had I made the original Philadelphia connection…. momma made it home and saw the baby wake up in the morning.

As the baby gets older, I’m sure that it will be harder for both me and her to travel. I’ll need to find a way to explain to a toddler that mommy is having another work “sleep over” – but also balancing that with my personal feelings (e.g. missing the baby and life at home in general) while I’m travelling. Until then, I take everything a day at a time and enjoy every last waking (and sometimes every last sleeping) moment that I can.

 

 

From Wes Napier:

I recently spent 3 weeks in Asia and having also done this in the past without the opportunity for daily VOIP calls with my family through SKYPE, I can tell you that webcams make traveling SO much easier.

Sure there are the occasional headaches of getting kicked off the web, slow connections, or having to use the standard telephone, but in any hotel with broadband it is not only easier to use a webcam, but in almost all cases, it is cheaper for your company too.

SKYPE is one of many free services that you can use to video and/or audio chat with your family Over Internet Protocol (VOIP). Try it and see what you think the next time you travel…you might just be amazed at how much less homesick it makes everyone involved 

In any case, a webcam is a relatively cheap investment to help you keep your sanity and your kids and spouse or significant other more at peace while you are traveling. Hope this is newsworthy!

 

From Dale Richardson:

My children 6 to 10 are well versed in the use of Skype with a web cam, they can also Skype my windows mobile device if I am connected to a network and there is $0 cost factor. It makes bed time easier (for us all) to see a face and say goodnight. Rarely anymore do hotels have data charges, but it is best to ask before using any VOIP type solution.

 

From Kristi Ferrand:

As a Mom who traveled mid way through my third trimester and immediately after maternity leave..it has been difficult at times. My son, now two, has an easier time than I do! Luckily I have a wonderful husband who takes care of everything when I’m away.

My travel is US based. I do as many day trips as possible and limit my nights away. Catching a 6am flight and returning at 11pm same day is exhusting but it’s worth it to be able to have breakfast with my son the next morning.

A few things I do as a routine…I tell my son the day before a trip (no sooner-he’s two) that Mommy is going away to work and when I’ll be back. We have a calendar that we look at and my husband marks off the days while I’m away, counting down to the day I’ll be back. No matter where I am at 6:15pm I break to call my family. I take recent pictures or my son’s art with me, a file I make sure is packed with every trip. I try not to bring back gifts for him. A dear friend who also traveled as a Mom once told me that I’m the gift when I return and not to start a habit. I’m not always able to keep this one.

I’ve also come to look at it as my time. I don’t get to spend time with my girlfriends as much but it is nice when checking in to a hotel to order room service and turn on the TV to any program I want to watch.

I won’t be a traveling Mom forever but the fact of today is that I am and we make the most it.

 

From Linda Chapman:

I traveled for my contracts for years, and I preferred taking my kids with me. It was easier for me because I would be traveling for a contract for 1-6 months usually. So I just drove instead of flying, brought my kids, picked a hotel with a large room and kitchen, and always an indoor swimming pool. I normally paid a relative to come with me and watch them, like grandparents, etc. Then I just tacked an extra charge on my travel rate to cover it all. That’s when they were younger, once they got old enough for school (7yrs), I tried not to travel as much, but also found they handled it better and always brought them something back from the city. I still bring them with me sometimes now that they’re older. It is worth the added cost, and they get travel experiences they might never get later. We just considered them long family vacations. They have been to France, Penns., Virginia, Kentucky, NYC, all over really. Later, I found my kids really enjoyed it, they love telling their school friends all the places they have been, and they loved staying in nice hotel rooms where you don’t get in trouble for jumping on the bed

 

From Vicki Jardine:

I think we are so fortunate to have these networks within which we can share ideas and help so many others solve the day to day issues that so many parents deal with.I believe professionals who are moms do deal with some inner conflict at times….where their career places them geographically ‘out of reach’ to their children….and thank God for the internet and laptops and webcams.

If travelling with your work is a ‘given’ in your life, then it’s a ‘given’ in your child’s life as well. And just like any other ‘givens’ you develop strategies for managing the situation.

I think it helps, in addition to the actual strategies are to possess some thought processes as a parent that will enable you to meet your child’s needs in this area.

For instance, it helps parents if they can remember that children need help in learning how to express themselves.

When you talk with your child about your next trip I would suggest being the first to state how you ‘feel’ about going away. The benefits of this are that your child knows that you miss them too and it also gives them the vocabulary to use, to tell you how they feel about it.

Remember your child is immature and cannot understand the complexities of your decision to be away from them

. All they know is that they want you here….and it feels bad when you are gone.

You can help them by connecting what you do with something they know about ….or have experienced in their own life, like ‘work for [you] is what school is to [your] daughter’.

Be creative and help your child see that you going away is the same as for example, him/her leaving grandma’s (doesn’t mean he/she loves grandma less etc). Help your child express out loud why they have to leave grandma and what they think Grandma thinks about him/her leaving. Ask your child what they think Grandma does to cope? Connect the dots for your child and ask them if they think Grandma is able to be happy even though he/she is gone?

Children develop a ‘world view’ that is nothing like what we adults think it is. I think it helps to try and see the world through your child’s eyes.

Help your child talk about how their world works. This will give you insight into the simplicity with which he/she thinks.

Sometimes we parents overcomplicate the situation by reading into it what we think is going on for our our kids.

Open dialogue is your best friend in almost every situation with your child.

But this is two-way. Let your child’s level of maturity decide the level of information you burden your child with. You don’t want to keep saying things like ‘mommy has to go…that’s how I pay for all your toys’.

Comments like that just scare children and cause them to see life as a set of ‘either/or’ situations where you cannot have both. It makes the parent out to be a victim of the child and the child somehow responsible for the situation where the mother is working away.

Can you see how inadvertently parents can make a situation much worse for a child?

And one last thing you can do to give your child courage while you are gone and a sense that you are with them, is create some rituals that belong to just the two of you. (Have you seen that movie Nim’s Island? Nim and her dad had a wonderful bedtime ritual).

Have a little verse you say to one another or a way to deliver a ‘virtual hug’.

A special star that your child can look at and know you are looking at the same star at the same time.

It doesn’t matter what you choose….but it is a moment in your child’s day, when he/she gets to feel really close to you, no matter where you are.

Hope some of these ideas help.

 

From Patrick Taylor:

As the primary bread earner for my family, I travel more than my wife. However, over 15 years of marriage, we have discovered how healthy it is to have breaks now and then. So my wife goes on “get-aways”… which means leaving the kids with me. So she does get out a bit. I share this to provide context to these thoughts….

1.)   It is good for your kids to have you go away and come back.

2.)   … Your going away creates an opportunity for bonding [with the caretaker left with the kids] that is not afforded if you are home. As long as you respect and feel the person is a good influence, this is not a bad thing.

3.)   Most of the professional moms that I have known do suffer with guilt at home when not working and guilt at work when not tending to the kids. My take is that if you are going to be home more and resenting the situation, then you are better off on the road.

4.)   Only guessing here, but imagine that your bright young toddler is picking up on your “angst” and manipulating you. Yes, even at this early age they are very good at it. So perhaps you might consider lightening up on yourself a bit…?

 

In sum, the best way to handle it is to take the approach of “it is what it is”. You do your best to love, educate, tend for their needs, and create great memories… But, ultimately, they don’t know what normal is except for what they experience. So if you create a lot of stress about being gone, then they will think that it is not okay.